she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cut my penus on the lid.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
