Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
