Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
