Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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