when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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