it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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