I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.