I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
