apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
as a side note pls kill me
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