You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
