Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
