i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
