her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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