Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
