I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
