This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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