Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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