Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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