I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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