so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
is wine microwaveable?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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