the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
