My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
