Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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