i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
