i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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