I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
