sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
