I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
