You just made me feel so damn special
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
