She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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