I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
