I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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