This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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