you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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