Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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