the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
