i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
