Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
