i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
