i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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