I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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