I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
