I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
