The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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