just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Someone signed my nipple.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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