Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
