I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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