Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
