I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
