when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just tell him i said nine months
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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