hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
