He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
