I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
