we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
