just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
