Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
