I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
