Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
