this beer tastes like vomit already
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
