I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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