he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize