He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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