I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
