I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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