You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
