smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
God I need to hump something, right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
