At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
