I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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