Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
