I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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