If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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