I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
