I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm at about main and main street
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
