So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
