Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
