you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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